You Know Exactly What to Do. So Why Aren't You Doing It?

My conversation with Deborah on Deals with Heels

You know the boundary you need to set.The habit you need to change.The role you've outgrown.

You could even explain, in detail, why you keep repeating the same pattern.

And yet.

You still do it.

That's what Deborah and I explored on Deals with Heels: the gap between knowing and becoming. Why insight alone rarely moves us. And what actually does.

Knowing is only the tip of the iceberg

When clients tell me they're stuck, I usually see three things at play.

The first one is well known. Your brain and your body want the familiar. Familiar is predictable. Predictable feels safe. So you go back to what you know, even when it's uncomfortable, unhealthy, sometimes dangerous.

The second one is a weak filter. "I want to help people." For your subconscious, that sentence means nothing. Help who? Where? Why? We dig for the why beneath the why beneath the why, until it's solid. And very often, the real answer has little to do with the decision you were about to make.

The third one lives under the surface. The thoughts you repeat to yourself every day without hearing them. You can't transform what you don't know is there.

Every pattern pays you something

Nothing survives without a benefit. Staying stuck protects something.

Maybe if you say yes to that speaking gig, you'll be away from home. Maybe you'll get the promotion and be even busier. Giving away your best ideas for free might be buying you validation, or the hope of closing the sale.

So here's the question I suggested Deborah ask the people who keep complaining without moving: how does this situation benefit you?

Once you see the benefit, you get to choose. Before that, it chooses for you.

What I lived myself

I've been sober for nine years. My first hypnosis session shifted something so fast that I became a hypnotherapist because of it.

And here's what surprised me: I lost more people when I stopped fawning than when I stopped drinking.

When you change, some people around you will try to bring you back. Not out of malice. Your old self told them who they were. Your new self asks them a question they may not want to answer. That's when your real why matters, because that's what you come back to.

What we covered

• Why familiar feels safe, even when it hurts

• Finding the why beneath the why before a big decision

• Two accessible ways into your subconscious: scanning your body, and completing sentences without judging the answer

• Why the fear of public speaking lives in a thought, not in the event that started it

• Building your inner resource center

• Saying yes, exploring, and letting action create new thoughts

• The three ways we change: spontaneously, retroactively, gradually

• The people who pull you back, and what to ask them

Change is rarely a straight line

Sometimes it happens in one session. Sometimes you realize three months later that you gave the presentation, asked for the raise, booked the trip, and you can't quite say when you became that person. And sometimes you climb, slide back, climb again, until the old way feels unfamiliar and the new one becomes your normal.

Every deliberate action counts. Even staying home to cook, if you do it on purpose. You're accumulating evidence that you can live the new way.

🎧 Listen to the full episode here: https://youtu.be/1WSOzdHmzOU?si=vM-r6rXgb6DqhLq_

If something in there sounds like you, send me a little hello. I'd love to hear what you're noticing.

Hypnotiquement vôtre,Janylène xo