I help people who are stuck in their life transformation to breakthrough. I understand the transformation process but more than anything, I understand that there is no one-size universal way to be successful at transforming one's entire life outlook. I have tried many things and thrown myself with abandon into some mysterious healing processes because, at the end of the day, there is a bit of magic in how we go from point A to point Z, from an emotional standpoint. Science explains a lot of things but the successful alchemy of healing tools, combined and chosen intuitively, has yet to be explained.
So, 240 days before the end of my recovery, I started the Kirtan Kriya meditation. In spite of the stillness and peace that meditation brings me, I had never been steady in my practice until then.
The Kirtan Kriya meditation came to me as a gift to get to the end of peeling my big hardcore onion. There has been much scientific research done on this meditation and its benefits, namely on increasing memory, increasing telomerase (parts of genes that keep us young), improving brain chemistry, clarity of purpose, etc. I started with the 12-minutes version for 30 days straight. It was a big step for me. I became strangely calm and I loved that calm. I loved it so much that I went for the 90 days, then the 120 days then the 240 days.
At the end, It felt like I had had a perfusion and that all my blood had been changed over. Those 240 days were a big parenthesis in my life. I lived in a bubble -- my bubble. It's hard to find the proper words to describe my experience but here are a few: clarity, stillness, focus, grounded, strong, in the moment, indifference to chaos and drama, silence, self-acceptance, being, timeless, solitude, calm, peace…
I kicked the 2 television sets to the curb, piled wood for my fireplace and spent 240 days doing mostly nothing beside meditating, eating, sleeping and working. I was like a glass snowglobe that has being shaken vigorously: only time will make the flakes slowly descend and alight in a new place. There are many articles now about the art of doing nothing and its benefits but having lived it firsthand is something else. I believe that I was exhausted by all the efforts I had made to feel better and live better and I needed to digest and integrate the new me fully.
People around me saw I had changed, becoming more spiritual, calmer, using new words, new habits and I was not the funny lighthearted girl anymore. I was zealously serious and the new me had taken up residence and was running the show. I will miss those days when a ray of sun warming my face through the window was a gift and I could stay there sitting and just enjoy the warmth without thinking of anything else other than that ray of sun.
After 240 days of steeping and integrating I was ready to start the discovery phase of my life. Discovery of my purpose, reconnecting with friends, reading and learning again, I knew my life was going to go in a new direction, but frankly I had no clue what, how, when and where. I only knew that I could trust it would find its way to me and it did. I did not anticipate that my inner joyful nature would amplify, and that, as it did, my natural cascading laughter would echo as much again. When I heard myself laughing again repetitively, that was the true confirmation: I had come out of the cocoon and I could finally spread my wings.
This concludes the last part of my recovery journey.
I consider myself to now be on my never-ending discovery journey. Discovery of myself, of others, discovery of how I can best show up in this world and have the best, most positive impact possible. I don’t have a label for who I am becoming other than I finally came to believe more and more everyday that I am enough, that I can connect, that I love to connect with others and that most of the things that I had believed were not available to me are, in fact, abundantly available to me.
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